manna to manners

Hat off at the dinner table, eat with your mouth closed, don't talk while you are eating, no burping and finish what is on your plate. All good Aussie table manners. All obeyed so as to be bright shining examples of a good upbringing. All rules obeyed by every child I have ever brought into this world - except for the burping. The loudest burp champion is youngest son who still proudly holds the record to this day.  Would go well in....which country is it? Maybe China or Japan - or so the saying goes - surely an urban myth perpetuated by the burpiferous. However common sense may wave the flag it may be helpful to check out some cultural preferences before sitting at another's table.

It was always breakfast dinner and tea at my place growing up. It caused much confusion as an adult when inviting people around for dinner and they had not turned up by 5. Took a while to work out some called the meals breakfast, lunch and dinner. So even the complacency that might be felt while in English countries still may bear a little thought and reading.

Apparently in Austria when clinking glasses one must look the other in the eye - as acknowledgement that they exist. In Poland do not flip the whole fish that you are having for dinner (or is it tea) or you will capsize the fisherman's boat. Never cut your bread but always peel and cut your fruit. Do not insult the French chef by asking for condiments. Do not stare at a Russian plate but know that a finger flick on the neck means come have a drink of vodka. Use a knife and fork to eat your Czech sandwiches but only use a fork to cut the Austrian dumplings. Diversion from the accepted could mean all manner of strife - whole flocks of people known to exist simply cease to be because of an averted eye, capsizing boats and miffed Frenchmen causing mayhem, flicked necks and tough dumplings running rampant.
No hands on laps
(lest dogs be fed)
no this, no that
Salut be said
or Sante, Prost?
Shall we be fed
our image lost?

Let's all be calm and settle down,
just look around and watch and see
and carry on as others do
and try our best to not offend
and watch and smile and reassure
that they may laugh or scorn, deride.
We've given all those food for thought
and meat for talk and fodder for a mindless chat.
But rest assured
no matter where,
we do not mind
our manners well
when we join in
accord...
applaud.